Five Lover
A Comedy Script
My Low Budget
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1st Part
College ka mahol hota hai– Jonu nazer ka chashma lagaye calass room me Jiya ko
purpose karne jata hai.
[ jiya 1st desk par kala chashma aur mini sucrlt dale bethi thi, Kagaj me bade
hi chaav se namkeen kha rahi thi…. Khadi saheliyon ke sath ]
Jonu- [ Jese hi andar aata hai–
khule tasme me paanv fansta hai, jakar Jiya ke sucrlt me girta hai… Saari
namkeen uske sar par gir jati hai- sath me uske 2-daant aur chashma bhi neeche
gir jaate hain. ]
Satyanaash ho, kahin saare daant hi to nahin gir gaye. Chashma tatolne lagta
hai, kahan gira, [ hathon me namkeen aa rahi thi ]- lagta hai mere saare daant hi gir gaye, isse pehle nazer ki
kamjori ka pata chale…., khada ho jata hun.
[ Khada hokar yanha-vanha dekhne lagta
hai-] sab dhundla-2 dikhaai de raha hai, kese pata lagaaun Jiya darling koun
hai, he bhagvaan raksha karna, vese to teri banaai hui har ladki mujhe passnd
hai…., lekin Jiya hai hi gazab, jab bo mini sucrlt dale chalti hai teri kasam,
meri aankhon ki roshni, 17% aur badh jati hai. Fir ye rosh nahin rehta tumne
mujhe aadhe daant nahin diye, ye rosh nahin rehta chashme ke bina aur sundriyon
ko baariki se bhi na taad sakun. Raksha karna prbhu raksha karna [ maatha tekta
hai, shankh naad ke pavitr dhvni ke sath ]
Jonu- [ Dekhne ki koshish karta huaa
] aapse kuch baat karni hai, ji
Shipra- Kahiye….
Jonu- [ Darta huaa Sharma jata hai
] I love you…..
Shipra- [ Use kaalar se pakad kar
neeche ghutna de maarti hai ]
Shipra- Sirf prshaant ki hai, samjhe.
Jonu- Neeche gir gaya tha, sab tod
dala [ cheenkhta huaa khada hota hai ]
Itni beshrm ladkiyan hain college me, kahan jakar maarti hain, deen dharm nahin
hai tumhara koi.
[ Anjaan tha jo sari baat Priya ke samne badi mushkil se khada hokar karne lag
padta hai ]
Vese, vese bhi main ye sab
tumhe nahin kehne bala tha.
[ Dusri tarf barik nazaro se dekhne ki koshish karne lagta hai aur sochta hai-
]
yahi Jiya hai aur yahi mouka hai.
Jonu- Aap nahin janti aap meri divya drishti hain, jab se aapko
maine pehli baar dekha tha usi din se aapne mere dil me apni jagah banaa li thi.
[ Sara calassroom hans padta hai ]
Jonu- jamane ka kya, bo to hasta hi hai. I love you
darling, I love you.
Aditi- Gusse se pure zor se tamacha
jad deti hai.
Jonu- [ pura hill jata hai, tatol
kar sochta hai-]
Shukr hai daant andar hain, pehle chashma hi dhundha jaye.
[ Dhundhne lagta hai, mil jata hai, lagaata hai aur gori tango ko dekhta-2
uthta hai, sochta hai-]
Ye tange Jiya ki hi ho sakti hain, chehra dekhkar khush ho jata hai.
Jonu- Aap yanhan bethi hain aur
maine galtfehmi me na jane kin-kin ko purpose kar diya- I love you.
Jiya- Hakki-bakki reh jati hai. Munh
khula ka khula reh jata hai.
Jonu- I love you.
Jiya- Jis din tum calassroom me zipp
band karke aaoge, usi din main tumse shaadi kar lungi.
[ saari calass zor se hans padti hai. ]
Jonu- Bada lajjit hota hai- zor se
apni zipp band karne ki koshish karta hai ki Zipp hi ad jaati hai, fir achanak
Zipp band karne ki aavaj saare classroom me sunai deti hai.
[ sabhi fir se hans padte hain, Hanste hi jate hain ]
2nd Part
Karn haklata tha- keshvi ko haath me suraj-mukhi ka fool lekar purpose karne
college aata hai, jaate hi tapaak se aage kar deta hai.
Karn- Hello keshvi ji….
Aa.aa.a….a…aa.aapke liye.
Keshvi- Mere liye, par maine to
mangbaya hi nahin tha.
Karn- Aapne mang..va.ya nahin tha , firrrrr bhi main
aapke liye le aaya, hai na k…k…k…k
Keshvi- Kiran.
Karn- Nahin k… k…k…. Keshvi.
Pakka kiran hi hoga……, main jaanti hun.
Karn- k..k..kamaal ki baat,
sha..sha..sha..sha..shaahrukh purana ho chu.. chu..chu.. chu..chu..chuka hai
aa..aa..ajkal to k..k..k..karn ka jamana hai.
Keshvi- Maharathi, par…, bo to Mahabharat
kaal me tha, Shahrukh ka hi jamana hai, tum bhool rahe ho.
Karn- k..k..k..k..
Keshvi- Kiran dekha na.
Karn- k..k...k..k..kiran ki maan ki
aa..aa.aa..aankh, main khud ki ba..baa..baat kar raha hun. k..k..k..k..karn
yaani ke main jo, tu..tu.tu..tu..tumhare
samne khada hai.
Keshvi- 5 minute apne naam batane me
hi laga diye, kisi ladki ko purpose karne mat jaiyega, kamzor dil ki hui,
bechari ka Hart-Fail ho jayega.
[ Keshvi ke khade sabhi dost hans padte hain zor se, ruke nahin rukte. ]
Karn- Ye aap k..k..k..kya keh rahi
hain, main to aa..aa..aa..aapko purpose karne ko hi aaya hun.
Keshvi- Kya….?
Karn- Gu..gu..gu..gu..
Keshvi- Yanha nahin toylet me,
seedha jakar left chale jana, vanha right mat lena bahut badbu hogi. Left loge
to raiging hogi, aage tumhaari marji, ho sakta hai tumhe…?
Karn- To..to..to..toylet ki maan ki
aankh, gu..gu..gu..gulaab dekar to sabhi p..p..p..purpose karte hain, main
aapko p..p..p..purpose karne ke liye soo.. soo..soo… soo..soorajmukhi ka fool
lekar aaya hun.
Keshvi- Ga…..dhe, Ye fool dekar bhi
kya koi kisi ko purpose karta hai.
Karn- Sa..sa..sa..sabki maan ki
aankh ye k..k..k..k..karn ka style hai, k..k..k..k..karn koi du..du..du..du..dudh
peeta baccha nahin hai, sa..sa..sa..sare style janta hai, p…p..p..p..patane ke
chi.chi..chikne style.
[ Sabhi hans padte hain zor se ]
3rd Part
[ 4 dost college ke andar gaadi ke upar bethe hote hain- ladkiyan aa ja rahi
hoti hain aur charon dost gaadi ke upar bethe-2 kisi na kisi ladki par tount
kas rahe hote hain. ]
Anup- Hi
[ ladki sandal khol kar gaal par tamacha
jad deti hai ]
Teeno dost haalat dekh kar zor se hans padte hain.
Shikhar- Hi
[ 2nd aane baali ladki ko- ladki tadake-daar tamacha jad deti hai ]
Teeno dost zor se hans padte hain.
bhaibhv- [ Maar khaaye dono ki gardan
hathon se peeche karta hai ]
Tum dono to khajoor ho ladki aese patati hai, dekho tailent
Hi sexy, kya mere sath doodh peene chal sakti ho, metrrrrrro milk piyenge dono.
[ You idiot- ek tamacha, fir dusra tamacha
jadkar chali jati hai ]
Doston ki tarf dekhne lagta hai.
Mayank- Ki tarrki tune, 2 pade, ab
meri baari, main maan ko kehkar aaya hun,
aaj bahu ka jugaad karke hi aaunga. [ gaal sehlata huaa ]
kahin tarrki na ho, Jay Shree Krishan.
Anup- Saale pataana jarur…, hum tere
peeche hain, kuch kataana mat…
Mayank- Agr usne jad diya to.
Shikhar- koun si teri persnelti don ho jayegi.
Maynk- Sandal se tadaach na kar de.
Anup- Fuli experience hai boss, sandal bali ladki kabhi bhi sandal
nahin jadti.
[ gaal sehlata huaa ] tu aankh maar kar dekh le, ho sakta hai seedhi pat jaaye.
bhaibhv- Ye naya tareeka hoga ladki
patane ka. Shaayad koi pat jaye, hum to subah se koshish kar rahe hain. Koshish
ka naam hi jindgi hai, jitni bhi
mushkilen aayen jindgi me insaan ko dagmagana nahin chahiye, ye baat
mere sawrgeey peeta ji ne kahi thi.
Mayank- Tera baap to jinda hai.
Bhaibhv- [ Sochne lagta hai, thodi
der soch kar fir kehta hai ]
Yaar zinda hai, fir mujhe kyun maalum nahin.
Shikhar- Ab ye to tujhe hi maalum
hoga, yaar tu jakar aese aankh maarna
left se right side, puri gardan hilni chahiye theek hai. Ek baar fir se dekh le…,
aese
Mayank- Pehli baar kisi ladki ko
aankh maar kar purpose karne ja raha hun
saalon pitvaaoge to nahin. Tere sawrgeey baap ki kasam darrrrrrr, bahut
lag raha hai.
Bhaibhv- Yaar main tab se diside
nahin kar pa raha hun mera baap jinda hai ki sawrg sidhaar chukka hai, par tu
kaamyaaab jarur hokar aana. Ek baar nahin to do baar, do baar nahin to baar-2
aankh maarna, lekin pata kar jarur aana tumhe apni maan ko bhi jabaab dena hai.
Mayank- Gaadi ke upar se jump maar
kar jata hai. Ye chala maynk.
[ sirf underwere aur t shirt daalkar hi aaya tha galti se, uski jump ke sath
doston ko pata chalta hai, pehle to jhatka kha jaate hain. ]
Mayank-[ Peeche dekhta hai-] sabhi
thumbs upp karte hain, fir action me shaan se aage badhta hai, jo bhi use dekhta
hai hansta jata hai.
Saamne se 5-6 ladkiyan aa rahi thi, unhe dekhkar baalon ko style dene lagta
hai.
Annu- Latest faishon nikla hai ya,
aap pent ghar me bhool aaye hain.
Mayank- Jhatke se neeche dekhta hai….
[ sabhi ladkiyaan hans padti hain- ]
4th Part
College ki canteen main 4 dost bethe the, koi thanda pee raha tha, koi
coofee koi juce, ek betha bhutta kha
raha tha.
Zorabar- Yaar babli ko kese pataaun
me, Koi idea bata.
Anvar- Itna experience hota to yanha
tumhare sath beth kar bhutta kha raha hota,
banhon me jereen ko lekar rumm pee raha hota.
Shaikh- Jereen rumm uthati hai.
Anvar- Nahin dost, rumm gum uthati
hai, uska bas chale, to mujhe bhi utha le.
Shaikh- Ye baat, samjh nahin aai,
hone bali bhabhi, wwe se sambndhit hai.
vijul- Bata ise,bahut utsahit hai.
Anvar- Itni der se soch raha tha tu
kyun chup hai.
[ yaad aane lagti hai ]
Jereen- Burke me college aati hai
matak-matak kar.
Anvar- Uski madhosh karne baali
chaal par divaana ho jata hai peeche-2 jakar, back se chumma le-leta hai-
pehli baar itna pagal huaa hun teri kasam.
Jereen- Dono haath kandhe par rakhti
hai, ghutne se uska lower 10 baar, dada-dad tod dalti hai.
Anvar- [ Har baar sehne ke sath
haavbhaav comedy ke deta hai ]
Sari havaa nikal jati hai- kambhakt ki maari, yanhan kyun maari
Tere baap ki jagah nahin thi ye …… eeeeeeeeee -
Jereen- Khamoshi se nannhi si smile
dekar chali jati hai.
Anvar- Agle din tangon ko yanha-vanha
langdata huaa college me aata hai.
[ peeche se jereen ko jate dekhta hai- ]
jaane-man pichbada dekhkar aaj-tak kisi ne kisi ko chaha nahin hoga, tere
pichbade ki kasam, ek na ek din tumhe paa kar hi rahunga. Chala jata hai peeche,
fir se back se chumma leta hai kheench kar.
Jereen- [ Peeche mudti hai-] Tum,
You Idiot, yanha koun kiss karta hai. Ab is gnndi kiss ki saza teri aane vaali har
pushten bhuktengi. Aur jagah nahin mili tujhe kiss karne ki….. Ek ke baad ek
ghutna uske lower me marne lagti hai.
{ Ek-ek ghutne ki maar se uski aankhen ikkthin ho jaati hain, tare nazar aane
lagte hain use, mummy-papa, daddy-chachu chillane lagta hai.
[ Canteen ka mahol aa jata hai-]
Vijul- Yaar tu aesa karta kyun hai, jo
kiss karne ki jagah hai vanha kiss kar, peeche kiss koun karta hai.
Anvar- [ Tange choudi kiye huye,
note book se lower par hawa kar raha tha-]
Janha koi kiss na kare vanhan main kiss karta hun. Ye meri shaan hai.
Zoravar- Jis jagah par kisi ko maar
na pade us jagah par tumhe hi maar padti hai. dost sab munh dekhkar payaar
karte hain, tu pehla saksh hai jo pichbada dekh kar payar kar raha hai. Tera
payaar, Bas.. shabd hi nahin mil rahe hain mujhe. Bus Mahaan…..
Anvar- Kya mahaan, burke me ladka tha.
{ anvar ko chod, sabhi bina ruke hans padte hain, Kisi ki hansi roke nahin
rukti, hanste hi jate hain }
Shaikh- Hansi ko rokte huye, lekin
kanha rukti hai, hansta hi jata hai…
Yaar…. tera payaar sach me Mahaan hai.
{ Fir sabhi hans padte hain, bina ruke hanste hi jatre hain }
5th Part
Bhakt aa ja rahe hote hain, Akshy mandir ki seedhiyon par nariyal pataak kar ke
fodkar andar jata hai, dono haath jodkar, aankhe khol kar khada ho jata hai.
[ prathna karne lagta hai-]
Akshay- Aa gaya main fir se- Hai
bhole naath, jo tune pichle hafte patai thi kasam se bahut chalu nikli, aaj tak
jitni bhi tune mere liye patain thin, kasm se A-1 thin, kahin kisi ka kisi aur
ke sath affair nahin tha.
Lakshmi- Ram-ram-ram kesa jamana aa
gaya hai, ye ladka kesi baaten kar raha hai mandir main khada hokar, bhagvaan
ki sharm bhi nahin kar raha.
Akshay- Prabhu amma ki baat mat
sunanaa, inki to umr ho chuki hai, sirf Keerti hi ganndi ladki nikli, baaki to
ras malai thin, aaj jese hi college jaaun ladki mujhse bas, chumma hi le le.
Pujari- [ Sunkar haath se pooja ki
thaali gir jati hai-]
Hai bhagvaan jaldi kaling avatar dharan karo.
Akshay- Bhole nath, agr aesi ladki
se tune mulakaat kara di to tumhe adsath naariyal pataak-2 kar chadhaunga, sath
me pani muft-muft-muft. Jigra hai prbhu, jigra, Aap hi daler nahin hain, hum
bhi aghor jigrbaaz hain. Pujari ji jaldi se tilk lagaao.
Pujari- Ram-ram paapi ko main tilk
nahin laga sakta.
Akshy- Paapi.., Paap to main karta
hi nahin hun, jo hota hai sehmati se hota hai. Pujari- Utha le prbhu utha le, gannde insaan door hat, nikal ja
mandir se.
Akshay- Aap meri baat nahin samjh
rahe hain, ya mujhe samjhane nahin aa rahi hai. Kaash main aapko demo de pata.
[ Matha tek mud kar jaane lagta hai. ]
Pujari- Jhatke se peeche mudta hai aur uski back par pure zor se laat marta hai.
Akshay- [ Jakar 50 seedhiyon ke
neeche girta hai-]
Ek sacche aashiq ka ye haal, bhole nath jo cheez tune banaai hai uski itni
bekadri. [ uthta hai-] Agr iski shaadi
ho gai hogi to saale ka talaak kara dena, agr nahin to randva hi rakhna.
Akshay- Gulaab ka fool pakad kar calaasroom
main phunchta hai. Gana ga-ga kar
[ Bethi har ladki ke aage ek hi fool ko pesh karne lagta hai, koi ladki
hansti hai to koi haath se hata deti hai. Koi gaali nikalti hai to koi sandal
utarne ki dhamki dene lagti hai. ]
Kabhi-2 mere dil me, ye khayaal aata hai ki jese…
[ Ye pura song Purpose karti baar gata rehta hai. ]
[ Sochta hai- ] Bhole nath mere sankalp me koun si kami reh gai thi, ant me bethi
ladki ko fool dene lagta hai.
Shivani- Kheench leti hai use deskon
ke andar, jakar lips kissing hi jakad leti hai uske. Pehle to use maza aane
lagta hai, had se bahar aape me khone lagti hai.
Akshay- [ Cheekhne-chillane lagta
hai. Dono taange uski desko ke upar jhatptane lagti hain-]
Trahi maam, trahi maam-trahi maam prbhu. Main nahin seh sakta, trahi maam prbhu.
Main insaan hun, bhagvaan nahin. Bacchao mere malik.
Meri maan… mujhe chod de, vaksh de. Tujhe to maine I love you bhi nahin kaha
abhi tak. Trahi maam prbhu-trahi maam.
Chudail main tere laayak nahin, mujhe vaksh de. Jakar apne type ka dhoond, meri
maan mujhe vaksh de, chod mujhe…… ..
Agar aapko aesi Scripts pasnd hain aur aap Comedy se bhari Scripts padhna
chahte hain to mujhe Comment me batayen. Aapko kesi kahaniyan pasnd hain vesi
har kahani main aapke liye likh kar isi website par daal dunga. Meri is website
me kahaniyon aur Scripts ko padhna bilkul free hai. Yeh Script maine April 2015
me likhi hai. Agar aapko meri ye Scripts thodi si pasnd aayi hai to please
Comment me btayen.
Manoj Kumar
A Scripts Writer
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